Except talking. Talking to you isn't great.
The thing is, Xenk is perfectly capable of understanding what a joke is, and when someone is making one at his expense. He doesn't think Edgin means it, at least not in the way the other kids used to nearly a century ago when he was small and people still confused him much more than they do now. He's not even sure Edgin actually means to insult him at all, judging by the way the corner of his mouth is tucked in, that characteristic little twist that means a person is holding back a grin.
Xenk has never really understood why a person would wish to withhold a smile when they can bring so much joy, but that's another matter entirely.
So Xenk tries to ignore the way his stomach squirms in distress, and the sinking in his chest when he is reminded that the way he speaks is different, and off-putting. He pushes the feeling aside, pretends to start in on a lecture because he knows Edgin will find it annoying (he will take his small revenges where he can) and holds out his hand instead. The fact that Edgin takes it again without complaint soothes the small remainder of his injury. It is physical evidence that something between them has changed, and Xenk leaves the group to their quest, quietly confident that they will see it through and uphold their promise to him.
They may never be friends, but Xenk is accustomed to that after a hundred years, and he is satisfied that evil will be thwarted and they are parting on good terms. Perhaps one day their paths will cross again, and Xenk thinks they would probably not object if he joined them for an amicable chat in a local tavern.
A small part of him hopes he will have the opportunity to see if his assumption is accurate.
***
"Xenk! I didn't know you were in Waterdeep, come sit with us!"
Xenk is more than a little surprised to run into Edgin Darvis in an inn mere weeks after parting from them, and is even more surprised at Edgin's bright grin as he calls out to him before Xenk has even seen him, slaps a hand on his shoulder, and enthusiastically steers him over to the table Holga, Simon, and Doric are currently seated at. Edgin is a whirlwind of movement, pulling out a chair that Xenk all but falls into, pulls over a drink to set in front of him, and pats him on the shoulder once more before dashing off to the corner where his lute rests against the wall with a rushed apology and a don't-go-anywhere, I've-just-got-to-do-one-more-song, I'll-be-right-back.
Xenk blinks at the tankard in front of him, filled with a dark and bubbling liquid, which he ignores. He has always found alcohol to be a bit overwhelming, preferring simpler flavors with less bite to them, and which don't make him feel as though he has little to no control over his extremities.
And of course, he always needs to be very, very careful what he says, because the risks are too great.
"So what're you doing in Waterdeep?" Holga says between bites of her potato.
Xenk frowns. "You have not yet heard? I was asked to escort Forge Fitzwilliam to Revel's End, to ensure he made it there without incident. I have only just returned from the journey; we were delayed somewhat by multiple escape attempts."
"He got there in the end though, right? He's locked up? No more having to worry about running into an angry Forge somewhere?" Simon asks, and Xenk can tell he's trying for casual but there's a slight anxious tremor to his tone, and Xenk looks him squarely in the eye and hopes he arranges his expression into something reassuring.
"Indeed, I was present to witness his incarceration personally. He will not trouble you further, you have my word."
Simon's eyes widen, and then he lets out a relieved sigh, his head dropping to rest on the table. "Thank the gods. That's the best news I've heard since Neverember told us there was a monetary reward to go with the medal."
Doric pats his shoulder. "Eh, I think we could've taken him."
"Not what I was worried about, actually," Simon mumbles, or that's what Xenk thinks he says — it's difficult to tell with his face still pressed into the table.
Doric has a broad grin on her face, and Holga is watching over them with a satisfied smirk of her own, and it's a much different atmosphere than when they first met. Xenk is glad for the shift, and grateful in whatever part he played to help bring it about, even if he cannot begin to understand why the change has occurred.
The tavern erupts in a loud cheer, and Xenk realizes that Edgin must have finished his song. After another couple of minutes a lute is placed next to the one remaining chair before Edgin drops heavily into it with a loud sigh and a huge smile.
"Alright! Now that I'm free, it's catch up time. What'd I miss?"
"Xenk took Forge to Revel's End," Holga says around her potato. When Xenk arrived, there had been several on the plate in front of her, but now it appears she is almost finished with the final one of the batch.
"No way, that was you?" Edgin turns to Xenk, his grin still out in full force, and laughs, bright and cheerful. "That's awesome. I'd heard he was captured, but I had no idea it was you who brought him to prison. Small world."
Xenk inclines his head in acknowledgement. "Indeed. I felt it necessary to ensure he could inflict no further harm on the people of Neverwinter, and tracking him down took time. I did not wish to have to do it again."
"Wait, you caught him, too? Damn," Edgin says, leaning into Xenk to bump his shoulder. "Is there anything you can't do?"
"I am human, and as such, have many of the same limitations as any other human."
Edgin's grin fades a little, but he laughs it off quickly. "It's just an expression. I know you're not, like, a god, or anything."
Xenk feels a heavy weight settle on his shoulders, memories of past companions and indebted strangers claiming the exact opposite. "You would not be the first to become convinced otherwise."
Edgin's eyes widen and he sits up a little straighter, his attention focused more intently on Xenk. Xenk finds he does not quite know how to feel about the scrutiny, but he's definitely not interested in digging into his own past, and he's fairly certain no one else would be, either.
"I have discussed my reason for venturing to Waterdeep, but I am unaware what brought you all here at the same time. Is there some sort of occasion of which I was not aware?"
Edgin hesitates, and for a moment Xenk wonders if he isn't going to allow his obvious deflection, but then the moment is over and Edgin's grin returns. "Nah, we're here for Kira. She wants to study, so we're touring the colleges and tradesmen before heading back to Targos."
"And Doric needs to check with some Enclave contacts here to make sure they've got supplies," Simon adds, Doric nodding along with him. "Lord Neverember has been helpful after what Forge did to them, but they're still struggling to rebuild."
"I see," Xenk says thoughtfully, taking in these people sitting around the table that he's only met very recently, and yet feels as though he has known longer. They seem to be seeking out reasons to remain together, and Xenk finds he is both relieved that they've all found support and camaraderie in one another, and also perhaps a little envious.
But that is hardly becoming of a paladin, and he pushes it aside.
"How about you?" Edgin asks, shaking Xenk out of his meandering thoughts.
"How... about me?" Xenk echoes with a frown, not understanding the question.
"Yeah, what are you gonna do next? Already got more Harper work lined up, villages to save, Beholders to throw squash at, that kind of thing?"
Xenk shakes his head. "Nothing for the time being, but that rarely lasts. I had intended to return to Mornbryn's Shield unless called elsewhere."
Edgin nods, raising his drink to take a swig, but then freezes, dropping it back down to the table before he can. "Wait, no, don't do that. You should come with us!"
Xenk blinks at Edgin, and it takes him a minute to process, going over the words again to ensure he heard them correctly.
"You are... inviting me to travel with you?"
"Sure!" Edgin says, and both Simon and Doric are nodding along with him. "At least until you're needed elsewhere. Beats traveling alone, right? I always hated having to go and do Harper stuff without anyone to keep me company."
"If it's truly not an inconvenience," Xenk says, slowly, still scarcely believing what he's hearing. "However, as far as I am aware, my conversational skills have not improved."
"Conversational—? What are you talking about? I'm pretty usre we've all been having a conversation this whole time, and it's going fine."
Intellectually, Xenk recognizes that Edgin probably doesn't remember a comment he made on a beach several weeks ago. He suspects it was spoken out of fear and anger that had nothing to do with Xenk, has observed this kind of casual, thoughtless cruelty many times, and yet cannot seem to shake off the comment, regardless of whether or not there was any malice behind it.
"I have been told on more than one occasion I lack qualities that make for an appealing traveling companion," Xenk admits slowly, eyes on the table, taking an abrupt interest in the patterns of the wood grain.
"Oh," Edgin says, and Xenk hears the understanding in the word, and cringes at being so obvious with his old, pathetic wounds.
"Perhaps I should continue to Mornbryn's Shield after all," Xenk says quickly, because if they hadn't actually been opposed to traveling with him before, he can't imagine that they would want to now.
"Look, we've all enjoyed catching up with you, right?" Edgin continues on, as though Xenk hadn't spoken, and Xenk is once again left bewildered. "I consider you a friend. I promise I wouldn't invite you along if we didn't want you traveling with us."
"Yeah, you can join us any time," Simon says, and Doric gives him a small smile, and even Holga nods.
Xenk is horrified at the way his chest seems to contract with emotion, and feels hot tears gather at the corner of his eyes.
"Thank you," he manages, swallowing down the very unwelcome emotions as best he can. "I would be delighted to take you up on your offer, then."
"Awesome! Glad that's settled." Edgin smiles once more, and turns to Holga to discuss who's taking Kira to the next school the following day, and then the whole group is talking about what they think Kira's going to choose to study and the shopping they want to do in Waterdeep before they leave and where they're going to be and every now and then they ask Xenk what he's going to do, or what he thinks, and Xenk is forced to consider the possibility that they really do want him there, that they're not just being polite.
Xenk thinks he might actually have four new friends, and realizes it's been a while since that happened, and it soothes an ache he didn't even realize he'd been developing, possibly for quite a while.
***
Edgin and his party have planned two more days in Waterdeep before departing for Targos, so Xenk finds he has two empty days to fill. He begins by visiting the Waterdeep Harper Sanctuary, and is both surprised and relieved to find that they have no urgent tasks in need of his assistance. He stops by an alter to Ilmater on his way out, equal parts grateful for the momentary solitude to reflect and desperately ready to not have to travel alone for a while.
He finds the group outside the Musician's Guild where he finally meets Edgin's daughter ("Are you intending to take up the same vocation as your father?" "Oh definitely not, but I wasn't totally sure until I got here. Dad, how did you survive in this place? There are Bards everywhere, and they're all so much, all the time. Even more than you!" "Well, angel of my heart, that happens to be exactly why I bailed after less than a year,") and they all get lunch before dropping Kira off once more. Apparently she still has to see several more Guilds today.
Edgin makes sure to tease her about joining the Jeweler's Guild and learning how to make pendants for all of them as they pass it on the way to their destination on the other side of the city, but Kira just looks thoughtfully at the Guildhall before asking if they'll have time to stop by tomorrow before they leave. Edgin sighs, adds it to the agenda, and hugs Kira to his side fondly before she runs off in the direction of the next subject of vocational exploration.
"They grow up so fast," Edgin says with a forlorn sigh and a bright grin.
"You're excited for her," Simon says accusingly, "so don't bother pretending otherwise. Doric and I are gonna go see the Carpenter's Guild and then shop for spell components, are you coming with us?"
"Nah, I've got a gig at the tavern before dinner, so I'll see you guys there."
"Xenk?" Simon turns the question on Xenk, who hesitates.
"I'll let you pick some of the songs if you don't want to shop," Edgin says with a sly grin, and Xenk is grateful for the opening; making a decision was not a prospect he was enthusiastic about at the moment. "Plus, I bet I can get us a discount on some beer. Or whatever else they've got."
"In that case, I suppose I must join you," Xenk says with an answering smile, and Simon and Doric run off with a rushed see-you-later.
Xenk is looking forward to sitting down with some food, although he wouldn't mind a quiet corner rather than a bustling, noisy table by the stage. Edgin is happy to fill the walk to the tavern with mindless chatter, mostly about Kira and speculation about what she's going to end up choosing. Edgin's particular mix of pride and trepidation is both common to parents with children Kira's age, and also uniquely him.
Xenk can't help but wonder how his own parents might have acted upon his decision to train as a Paladin, and if they would have been as nervous, or as determined to be supportive, as Edgin obviously is.
"Sorry, I swear I won't be talking about Kira every second of every day, it's just, you know. Big life decision, all that."
"Certainly, you should not cease on my account. I find your doting on your daughter to be endearing."
Edgin pulls up short at that, staring at Xenk for a moment, leading him to wonder if he'd said something he shouldn't have. Then he laughs, and rubs at the back of his head self-consciously. "Well, as if I needed an excuse — now you'll never be able to get me to shut up about it."
Before Xenk can assure him again that it would be senseless to stop, Edgin is once again discussing his daughter's collegiate prospects, and Xenk is very content to listen to him for as long as he can.
***
Xenk is accustomed to frequent and lengthy travel, and as such, takes very little time to gather his belongings from the inn as they prepare to leave Waterdeep.
The same cannot be said for Edgin and Kira Darvis. The two of them are a whirlwind of clashing activity — first Edgin throws clothing and his notebook into a large travel bag, and then Kira tosses it back to the floor in a pile as she digs through it looking for her comb, and then Edgin finds the comb in the bottom of a drawer prompting Kira to run over to the drawer for any other items she missed as Edgin puts the clothes back in the bag, only to realize that he's buried his lute at the bottom which he needs, actually, and then the clothes are once more in a pile on the floor instead of packed away neatly in his bags.
Xenk sighs, and abandons the two to their counterproductive packing methods to find himself some rations for the road. He suspects it will not only be himself that will require them before they are back in Targos.
Somehow, miraculously, when Xenk returns to the inn an hour later, the whole crew is packed and ready to leave. Simon has the audacity to ask where Xenk was and why he's held them up, but then Edgin winks at him and Xenk realizes he's on the receiving end of his companions' attempts at humor. He supposes he has had worse experiences with similar attempts, and laughs along with them. After all, he notices with some surprise, he can tell there is no ill intent behind the teasing.
This, also, is something he has not encountered in a while. Xenk has missed it.
"So. It's a couple weeks to Targos, since we're not in a hurry," Edgin is saying, not five minutes after they've passed through the gates of Waterdeep onto the High Road, which Xenk thinks might be a little premature. "Anyone have any specific places they want to stop along the way?"
"Neverwinter's always a blast," Simon says, and Xenk thinks this is meant to be another ironic statement based on the tone, but he refrains from reminding him what he thinks of irony. He has become aware of Simon's expansive knowledge of spellcraft and memory for both incantations and ingredients as well as history, and he suspects that Simon has not forgotten.
"Yeah, I think we'll skip it this time around," Edgin mumbles, plucking idly at his lute as he thinks. "You need anything from Mornbryn's Shield, Xenk?"
"I do not," Xenk says simply, because he does not want to think about the Harper stronghold, or his tiny, mostly-empty cottage. He'd enjoyed it, once, and found the solitude and simplicity a welcome reprieve from city life, but he finds he has grown tired of it for the time being, and suspects seeing it would only remind him of things he'd rather not think about.
"Oookay," Edgin says, eyebrows raised. "How about you, Doric? Any more Enclave business you need to handle?"
Doric shrugs. "I need to check in with the Wood Elves, but I can take a day and fly over there so we don't need to make any detours."
"Will you be alright by — okay, you're a badass, that's a stupid question and forget I almost asked it," Simon says, cutting himself off mid-sentence, but Doric just grins fondly at him. "It'll only be a day. I can bring you back some spell components, if you like."
Simon is red, but quickly gets distracted by the potential of new, handmade spell components from Wood Elves.
They spend the next few hours traveling at a leisurely pace as Edgin plays sporadically on his lute, with an occasional comment about the shape of a cloud or pointing out unusual wildlife, until Edgin puts his lute away and pulls his horse up alongside Xenk's. He realizes the others have fallen some distance behind, and wonders if Edgin had just been waiting for this opportunity, feeling no small amount of trepidation.
"So is there a particular reason you don't want to go back to Mornbryn's Shield?" Edgin asks, keeping his voice low.
There is an unwelcome swooping sensation in Xenk's stomach, and he finds himself wishing desperately to be suddenly accosted by roadside bandits, or maybe some wolves, or a dragon. Anything would be better, probably, than attempting to navigate this conversation with Edgin Darvis.
"It would be an ill use of my limited time before I must embark on my next quest," is what he decides on, and he tries very hard not to watch Edgin carefully to see whether he's accepted the explanation.
Somehow, he does not think it likely.
"Do you have your next job already lined up, then?" Edgin asks, and if Xenk is not mistaken there is a forced casualness to his voice.
Not buying it, then.
"I do not," Xenk says, and wonders whether Edgin can't take a hint, or is simply choosing not to.
"Is that a deer?" Simon asks, and while a deer is not exactly the rarest sight to be found on the Sword Coast, Xenk takes the opportunity to talk loudly and at length with Simon about it, and finally Edgin seems to accept that he's not going to get anything further out of Xenk.
He knows it's likely a short reprieve, but he'll take it.
***
Xenk is content to remain quiet for most of the day as they make progress at a steady pace toward the inn they've chosen for their first destination. It's not one any of them have stayed at before, so they want to arrive with plenty of time to check out the area, get rooms, find food, and get plenty of rest for the longer travel day they have planned tomorrow.
It's not much of a surprise when Edgin offers to accompany Xenk to the stables to see that the horses are taken care of, and Xenk tries to steel himself for another conversation he does not want to have.
"So, how long you had that horse? It seems to know you pretty well," Edgin says casually as they're brushing their horses in neighboring stalls, and Xenk tries not to let his surprise show on his face. That was definitely not the question he'd been expecting.
"I have been traveling with Meatball for around five years, now," Xenk says, after a moment of thought. He hadn't realized it had been that long.
"Meatball?"
Xenk sighs. "The name accompanied the horse, and he has not responded to any of my attempts to bestow a new one. I have tried."
Edgin chuckles. "Okay, I'm not gonna lie, that's pretty funny. Xenk Yendar, legendary paladin, riding a horse named Meatball. And he won't answer to anything else, either? That's comedy gold, right there."
Xenk can't help grinning. "I admit, the humor of my situation has not escaped me. I have wondered if my god has a stronger affinity for pranks than any of us suspect."
Edgin pauses, rounding the horse to get a look at Xenk's expression. "You're telling me you think Ilmater assigned you a horse named Meatball? As a joke?"
Xenk shrugs. "Not seriously, perhaps, but the thought has occurred to me." He finishes his brushing and covers Meatball with a blanket to keep him warm overnight, and turns to begin washing and brushing the remaining horses.
"It would be pretty great to have a god with a good sense of humor about things," Edgin says, a speculative look on his face. "At least, compared to one with a stick up their butt."
"I fail to see how a wooden apparatus lodged in one's rectum—"
"Expression, Xenk."
Xenk pauses, gives Edgin a skeptical look before saying, "a vulgar one."
Edgin snorts, and then stops abruptly, eyes snapping onto Xenk's face. "Wait, you knew that. You totally knew that already! So why—?" He squeezes his eyes shut, and then shakes his head in disbelief. "You just like fucking with people, don't you."
"I have no desire to engage in any sort of intercourse with strangers—"
"Oh my god, it's so much more annoying when I know you're doing it on purpose."
Xenk grins, and Edgin smiles back before whining for a while about how nasty Xenk's sense of humor is and how he can't believe he didn't notice it immediately, and if Xenk spends a little longer making sure the horses are brushed and fed and watered because he isn't quite ready to rejoin everyone else in the inn yet, that's between him and his prankster god.
***
Xenk enjoys the inn while he has it, aware that it will be several days of camping before they plan to stop at another town large enough to house them. While he is quite accustomed to having to sleep out under the stars, he admits that there is something pleasant about traveling with people who typically sleep indoors, who demand to sleep in comfort at every available opportunity.
It eliminates some of his reservations where frugality is concerned. They refuse to sleep outside if they don't have to, so the rooms are reserved anyway. What good would it do for Xenk to refuse to join them, or make a fuss about it?
Besides, on occasion they get discounts in the towns where Xenk has traveled through or lent assistance before, and it makes Xenk feel... useful, somehow. Like he contributes in a way quite separate from his combat acuity.
Maybe something to counterbalance his subpar social skills.
He is not expecting the table to get quiet when he says as much to his companions, however.
"The hell do you mean, 'feel useful'? You're more useful than the rest of us combined," Holga says, ferocious enough to almost qualify as a growl. "You fight better than me, and have all sorts of knowledge from living for like a thousand years. And the locals all love you, people keep giving us free shit. And you don't feel useful? Seriously?"
"I've known you for like a day and even I know that's ridiculous," Kira adds.
"Yeah, it's way better traveling with you here," Simon says, insistent. "You always gather the firewood so I don't have to, you're better at cooking than me, and way better at it than Ed — not sorry Ed, we've been over this — and fewer bandits attack us with you around, I swear. It's awesome."
"You're better at talking to people than me, and that may not be saying much, but it sure doesn't make me feel very useful," Doric adds with a soft frown. "Do you think I'm useless, because I have to hide and don't like talking to humans?"
"Certainly not," Xenk says, a little horrified.
"So why would you think that about you?" She asks, shoving her finger in his face. "Have some respect."
Xenk has to take a moment to process, staring blankly at his food. He supposes she has a point; he's never once thought her discomfort around people was a hindrance. If anything, he was a little jealous she could transform into an animal to avoid having to deal with them. But that didn't mean it was easy for her, or something she didn't worry about.
"You make many valid points," Xenk says, and something in Doric's posture eases, just slightly. Simon and Holga nod and go back to their own food, Simon peppering Doric with questions about whether or not anyone had made her uncomfortable recently, which caused her to turn pink and get flustered a little as she assures him that no, most people lately have been fine, but she'll let them know if that isn't the case.
Edgin, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, leans close to Xenk while everyone else's attention is occupied with their meal. "Is this about what I said? On the beach?"
Xenk is about to deny it, to insist that this goes way further back than his comment a few weeks ago, that it hasn't affected him that much. But then again, could he be sure that was true?
"Not entirely," he eventually settles on, deciding that at least is not a lie.
Edgin lets out a long breath through his nose, staring at his hands on the table.
"I was a dick," he says abruptly, and Xenk blinks in surprise.
"I beg your pardon?"
Edgin runs a hand over his face, rubbing at his stubble. "That comment. I'd forgotten about it, until you were talking at the inn in Waterdeep. And — just, that whole — I was angry at myself, and I took it out on you. I was an ass."
"You had very good reason to distrust me," Xenk says, but Edgin raises a hand to cut him off.
"Nope, doesn't matter. I was shitty before you'd even said a word to me, and I'm sorry. You deserve better than that."
Xenk feels something uncoil in his chest, a tightness that he'd been carrying, probably for a while.
"It is not necessary, but I appreciate it all the same," Xenk says, placing a hand on Edgin's shoulder and squeezing.
"Ow," Edgin says, and Xenk yanks his hand back immediately.
"My apolo—"
"Nope! We're done with that, seriously. I'm fine, it's all good. Let's just finish our food before it gets cold, yeah?"
Edgin goes back to his meal, his usual cheerful grin firmly back in place, and Xenk feels both lighter and more solid, more real than he had at the start of the meal.
***
"Please, Sir Yendar! You have to help us!"
For one of only a handful of times since he first swore his oath as a Paladin, Xenk hesitates.
"Alright, calm down. What's the problem?" Edgin is asking the question before Xenk has finished processing the fact that he didn't immediately respond with yes, humble citizen, how may I serve you? Because he was too busy thinking about how he would catch back up with Edgin and his crew, and when he would have a chance to see them again.
But it seems there is no need to wonder, because none of them leave like he had expected them to.
"Oh thank you, thank you!" The man is a gnome, and he seems particularly distraught, and Xenk follows him to a cave in the hillside where several villagers are trapped behind some rubble. Apparently they were exploring, foraging for food, and stumbled upon an old trap that someone had forgotten to disarm.
It only takes a couple hours to clear out a safe exit and heal the few injuries that the villagers sustained, but Xenk is not an experienced healer, and using magic for anything other than minor injuries is exhausting for him.
"Let's sleep here," Edgin is saying, his eyes on Xenk as he contemplates getting on his horse to continue to travel for hours along the High Road.
"But there are still several hours of light, and we've barely made any progress today," Xenk argues, turning to look at him. Edgin rubs at his arm and hisses as though in pain, despite the fact that Xenk is pretty sure his arm hasn't been used for anything more strenuous than playing his lute.
"I'm sore, and hungry, and need a bath. I'm sure no one else objects, and it's not like we're in a hurry."
"Fine by me," Holga says, and Simon and Doric are nodding enthusiastically and going back and forth with Kira trading hopeful ideas about what the inn might be offering for food, excited for a hot meal instead of cold travel rations and whatever they can find in the forest.
Xenk wonders if he'll ever stop expecting people to be frustrated by his frequent delays and his dedication to helping people, but considers that it's been days now, with multiple setbacks, and so far they don't even seem to have noticed.
***
Edgin offers to play in the inn, since they have time and could always use the extra money, and the innkeeper agrees. The meal is more subdued without Edgin at the table, asking questions, checking in with everyone, and intervening to diffuse any tension that starts to build.
When Holga starts asking Simon why he can't just use magic to clean everything after a meal instead of washing it by hand, he looks about ready to strangle her, and Doric sits wide-eyed and quiet as they grow progressively louder, Kira's gaze bouncing back and forth between them, the rest of her body still and watchful.
"I find cleaning to be a relaxing activity, and would miss it, were I to use magic as a replacement," Xenk says, loud enough to be heard over their argument, and Doric is quick to jump in and agree with him, and Holga shifts her attention to how weird Xenk is for enjoying cleaning and Xenk doesn't love that, but it's better than the arguing, and judging by the grin Dorric sends him and the way Kira's posture relaxes, they agree.
By the time Edgin is done playing and rejoins them the conversation has been totally forgotten, and Xenk is relieved that everything managed to remain peaceful. He finishes his meal without contributing to the conversation, happy to listen and enjoy the company.
When he picks around the tomatoes on his plate and leaves the rest of it clean, Edgin takes one and pops it in his mouth, and when Xenk doesn't protest, helps himself to the rest in between teasing Holga about her newest love interest, asking if she's sure she doesn't want to stop by Neverwinter to see him.
No one seemed to find it strange that Xenk did not eat his tomatoes, although he supposes it's likely that no one apart form Edgin had even noticed he wasn't eating them. No one had asked him any direct questions, either, allowing Xenk to quietly rest and regain his energy without having to put effort into thinking about what he is saying.
Despite the brief near-argument Xenk can't remember spending a meal that relaxing, especially in the middle of a crowded inn, maybe ever.
***
"Did Holga say something, at dinner?"
Xenk is distracted from cleaning his armor, startled out of his concentration by the question posed to a quiet room. The rest have been visiting a local hot spring they were told about at dinner, only Edgin and Xenk choosing to remain at the inn.
"Holga said quite a lot at dinner, as I recall," Xenk says, and he knows it's avoiding the question but he isn't sure what Edgin is asking, let alone how to answer.
"You know what I mean," Edgin says, grumbling. "I couldn't hear over my lute or the crowd, but everyone looked really uncomfortable for a minute, and everything seemed to go back to normal after that, but you've barely said a word since then. Something happened, right?"
Xenk frowns, going back over the meal in his head and trying to recall the specifics of the conversation, which he's mostly forgotten in the intervening hours.
"She was... getting into an argument, if I remember correctly. I said something to distract her, although I do not recall what it was I said. I'm surprised you noticed, I had mostly forgotten about it."
Edgin stares at him for a moment, and Xenk gets the impression he's trying to make a decision. Xenk has nothing further to add, so he resumes cleaning his armor.
He's nearly forgotten the conversation again when Edgin picks it back up, as though no time had passed at all.
"Are you sure she didn't say something that upset you?"
You enjoy cleaning? No way, that's too weird. The words immediately rise to the forefront of Xenk's mind, and they feel just as abrasive as when Holga said them the first time.
"Apparently it's unusual to find cleaning enjoyable," Xenk says, before he can think better of it, and is surprised at the bitterness that accompanies the words. He shakes his head, shoving them aside, dislodging them from his thoughts. "She was not intending to be cruel, and I'd forgotten about it."
It was true, after all. He hadn't remembered until Edgin asked him about it, so it couldn't have been important.
"Sometimes the unintentional stuff hurts more than the intentional stuff," Edgin says quietly. "It means they're not even paying enough attention to realize they're doing it."
Xenk stiffens, his hands stilling over his armor.
"But the thing about when someone says something that bothers you and doesn't realize, is they may never know if you don't tell them it bothers you. That might be the only way they have a chance to do something different."
Xenk feels his throat getting tight, and doesn't trust himself to respond.
Edgin crosses the room and drops onto the bed, within arm's reach of Xenk where he sits on the floor and leans against the mattress, his armor in his lap. The cloth he's been using to polish his armor is still, resting on the gleaming metal.
"I had no idea what I said to you on the beach was anything other than a dumb joke, until you told me," he says softly, nudging Xenk's shoulder with his knee. "Now I'm trying to pay attention, and not say things that make you — or anyone — upset, if I can avoid it. But I only have that choice because you offered it to me."
"I... see," Xenk manages through the emotions writhing in his chest.
"It's not your job to call people out when they're being a dick to you, and you don't owe anyone an explanation. But we're your friends, and I know I'd want you to tell me when I say something dumb. I'm glad you did. I think she probably would be, too."
Edgin gives him a final pat on the shoulder before rising to his feet and stretching. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say, I'm gonna go find that bath house. My whole body hurts, I haven't ridden this much in a while. If you want me to say anything to her, I can."
Xenk clears his throat, glad for the reprieve. "That will not be necessary."
"Okay," Edgin says with a grin. "Let me know if you change your mind."
Edgin leaves, and Xenk has a couple hours to himself to process, which he appreciates.
Given how late everyone returns to the inn, he wonders if Edgin had a hand in his extended solitude, as well. He still doesn't know what to make of any of it.
***
"I am... not very good at talking," Xenk says, and Holga frowns.
"What d'you mean? You're no worse at talking than me," she says, handing over money for some provisions for the road, as they were getting low. "I'm terrible at it, ask anyone. I told you we were gonna steal stuff and that was like, my third sentence to you."
Xenk chuckles at the memory, recalling only how he admired her forthright manner, and how that was one of the things that convinced him to reveal the location of the Helm. Then the thinks about what Edgin told him the previous night.
"I appreciate your directness and honesty," he says to her. "Those qualities have been a rarity on the path I've chosen, and it's one of the things I find most admirable about you."
"Oh," Holga says, and for the first time since he's met her, Xenk thinks she actually looks a little stunned. "Thanks."
"At times, however," he continues, "the things you say remind me of those who have been... unkind to me, in the past." Xenk takes a deep breath, struggling to find the right words. "I don't often — I have been told that my speech patterns, my preferences, other things about myself are... strange, although I still do not fully understand what people find so unusual about them."
Holga frowns, and then tilts her head to the side. "Everyone's weird."
Xenk looks at her, not sure what to think. "How do you mean?"
Holga shrugs. "Marlamin used to put jam on his potatoes. That was super weird. Simon sometimes pronounces words funny, because his family have a different accent than I do, and he picked up some of it. Sometimes people are shitty about things like that, I guess, but it's everyone. Being mean about it is stupid."
Xenk takes a minute to turn the words over in his head. "Am I to understand that you consider 'weirdness' to be... normal?"
Holga looks like she's about to argue, and then pauses, and huffs out a laugh. "I guess so," she says with a shrug.
"I see."
Holga punches him in the shoulder, and Xenk thinks it is meant to be playful, but he definitely feels the blow. "Good talk," she says, moving on to the next stall to browse, leaving Xenk to go over the whole exchange in his head again, several more times, while they continue to restock their supplies.
When he remembers the conversation at dinner the previous day, somehow hearing Holga's words in his head doesn't feel as crushingly heavy as they did every time before.
Xenk grins, and buys some extra snacks from a vendor who is selling them, and thinks it will be nice to share them with everyone on the road.
***
Xenk is helping out with preparing dinner that night, and they've decided to cook some of the fresh food they bought that day, seeing as it won't last more than a couple days. Xenk sighs as he cuts up the tomatoes, wondering if this is another of those things he should communicate. He considers it, but just the thought of having to explain how he can't stand the sliminess in his mouth or on his hands is exhausting, and he decides he can attempt it another day, and finishes slicing them in silence.
When Edgin hands Xenk his plate an hour later, however, Xenk looks down and finds no tomatoes on it.
"Something wrong?" Edgin asks, eyeing the plate.
"Not at all," Xenk says. "It smells very appetizing, thank you."
Edgin grins, and Xenk sits down in front of the fire to eat his dinner.
"Hey, Xenk didn't get any tomatoes," Simon says, leaning over. "Want some of mine?"
"No, thank you," Xenk says, and hesitates just a moment before adding, "I don't care for them."
"Oh, alright then," Simon says, and shoves a forkfull of food into his mouth. It's too large, and Simon has to put a hand to his mouth to physically keep the food from spilling out as Xenk watches in horror.
"I hate cilantro," Doric comments, dropping into the seat on Xenk's other side. "It tastes like soap to me."
"And they put it in everything," Simon says, but his mouth still very full and it takes Xenk a minute to puzzle out the words.
"Simon will always ask the chef to leave it out for me," Doric says with a tiny grin.
"That's very thoughtful," Xenk says, and Simon raises an eyebrow, finally swallowing his overzealous mouthful.
"Well, I wouldn't want my food to taste like soap," he says with a shrug, and piles up another too-large bite.
"Here," Edgin says, dropping a roll onto Xenk's plate as he passes by, "you can have the extra, to make up for the tomato."
Xenk decides not to remind him that leaving the tomato off his plate in the first place was doing him a favor, and eats the roll in grateful silence.
***
As they get closer to Targos, Xenk's mood begins to sour.
The worst part is that Xenk is looking forward to continuing his quest; he loves what he does, loves helping people, and he gets fidgety when he stays too long in one place. He's known this about himself for decades, now. He's actually quite anxious to resume his calling, to continue to serve Ilmater as he has been for almonst a century. It's good, fulfilling work, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.
But every time he thinks about making camp by himself, or eating at an Inn surrounded by strangers, he feels a persistent ache. He feels it even while his new friends are at his side, people he trusts and enjoys spending time with, but knowing how little time he has left has rendered him unable to enjoy it. It may as well be over already.
"Did I say something?"
"Hmm?" Xenk turns to Doric, who is walking on tiefling legs rather than deer or owlbear, her tail curled anxiously around a leg.
"I—I dunno, you seem... upset, or something. I was wondering if I said something, without meaning to."
"Not at all," Xenk says, resting a hand on her shoulder. "I apologize, the fault is entirely my own. You have all been pleasant company, I assure you."
Doric frowns. "So what's up, then? Is it anything I can help with?"
Xenk smiles sadly, the ache in his chest throbbing painfully. "I am afraid not. I must soon depart, and would be just as miserable were I to abandon my quest. I am simply disappointed I cannot have everything I want, and must choose between two equally difficult options."
"You don't want to leave, but you also do."
"Essentially," Xenk says, and he never stops being impressed at this group's ability to distill his woes down to their simplest, most basic forms. They sound so silly, when stated plain.
"I guess traveling all the time must be pretty hard. I've lived in one place pretty much all my life, and it's really nice to go back to the Wood Elves whenever I'm not at the Enclave. I can't imagine not having anywhere like that, to go back to."
"It can be a lonely path, which is precisely why I would never ask anyone to endure it with me who was not as committed as I."
"Have you ever had anyone like that? Who chose to go with you?"
"Once," Xenk says, staring into the depths of the forest in front of them without seeing it, recalling his distant past. "There was another paladin I traveled with for a time, when I was much younger, for several years."
"Only a few years?"
"He was not as difficult to kill as I, unfortunately. We ran afoul of a powerful necromancer, and only my curse allowed me to survive the encounter."
"That's awful," Doric says, and Xenk shakes his head.
"I remember our time together fondly, and we managed to do a lot of good in that time. I believe he would have been satisfied, dying to defeat a great evil, in an effort to protect people. We both knew the path we walked together was dangerous."
"But... no one else, since then?"
Xenk pauses, considering. "I suppose there have been a couple that might have been willing, but I could never bring myself to ask."
"I think that might be, like, your whole problem."
"My whole problem?"
"Yeah. You know, not asking."
Xenk thinks about liking cleaning, and about tomatoes.
"You may be right."
***
"So are you gonna ask?"
Xenk is yanked out of dwelling on the conversation with Doric rather abruptly, to focus on Edgin, who is staring at him expectantly.
"Ask what?"
"C'mon, Xenk, I'm not an idiot. You've been staring at the pot for like, ten minutes. You want seconds?"
Xenk clears his throat. "Oh. Yes, if you please."
That was not the question that had been lurking, rotating on a spit in Xenk's mind. He wasn't quite ready to address that yet.
But, maybe he would be, some day.
***
They're a day away from Targos when a very harried-looking dwarf runs up to them on the road, covered in dirt and possibly also slime.
"Sir Yendar? Sir Yendar!" He is out of breath, but looks intensely relieved to have found the man he's looking for.
"What is the problem, good sir?" Xenk says, pulling away from the group to see what the dwarf wants, but has a feeling he knows.
"Been chasing after you for days, sir. Pardon, but it's an emergency. There's been an attack—"
He shoves a wrinkled envelope into Xenk's hands, and Xenk is fairly certain he recognizes the handwriting on the outside of the envelope.
Duty calls.
"I will be there as soon as I am able," he assures the dwarf, guiding him back to his horse. "You should get some rest, there's a small village not far from here, just an hour's ride down this road. get some rest, you have done all you can."
"Thank you," the dwarf says, and looks about ready to pass out.
Xenk turns to the group. "Could I trouble one of you to see him to Hundelstone? I do not wish him to collapse before he is able to get there."
"On it," Doric says, and she and Simon flank the dwarf to escort him the rest of the way.
"Want a hand?" Edgin asks, gesturing at the envelope, and Xenk is once again caught off-guard by the immediacy of the offer, and how casually it is given.
"That is not necessary," Xenk says, glancing at the missive. He was right, it's from the Harpers, and it's not anything he hasn't dealt with a hundred times before.
"That's not what I asked," Edgin says with a grin, and strums his lute. "It'll be way more fun with me along, I bet."
Xenk grins, but shakes his head. "You have all been traveling for a long time, and you're nearly home. You should return, and rest."
Edgin gives Xenk a final, scrutinizing look before he nods. "Alright. But you'd better rest too, after this is dealt with. You've been on the road a long time, too."
"I will," Xenk assures him, and he knows he could leave it at that, but he's been working on asking for what he wants, right?
"If... If I should find myself near Triboar—"
"You'd better come find me," Edgin says, before Xenk can even finish his sentence. "I'm going to be extremely offended if I find out you were in the area and didn't come say hi."
Xenk smiles, warm and genuine, and feels the rush of affection well up in his chest once more.
"It's a promise," he says.
And he means it.